10 Signs Your Gym Bro Is a Secret Swiftie

Stefan Pinto
Aug 21
2 min read

Updated: Sep 4

Every gym has one: the guy who talks macros like scripture, deadlifts like his rent depends on it, and claims his playlist is nothing but Drake and rage beats.

Trainer, Mike Perfetuo, shirtless vaulting over a wall with a mural of Taylor Swift’s face, palm trees and a stylized sunset sky in the background. Bold headline text on the mural reads: “Dept. of Grudge Management — Are you even a Swiftie, bro? ‘The Petty Workout Split’ and how to step over the past like a squat rack.” Photo by Stefan Pinto

But then you catch him mouthing the bridge to All Too Well (10 Minute Version) mid-set, and suddenly the protein powder starts to taste like glitter.

And there it is, you think you know your gym bro when actually, he’s been living in his own private Eras Tour this whole time; some Swifties wear sequins, others wear lifting straps! Oh yeah, they’ll flex harder than a fangirl, but the signs are always there, tucked between sets, scribbled in their setbooks, or blasting from their AirPods when they think no one’s listening.

And once you see it, you can’t unsee it: your gym bro isn’t just chasing PRs… he’s living in his Reputation era. Which brings us to the evidence:

10 Signs Your Gym Bro Is a Secret Swiftie - featuring Mike Perfetuo

The Bracelet Problem — He claims the beaded wristband says “beast mode,” but on closer inspection it reads “Karma.”
Lyric Tourette’s — Mid-bench press, he mutters “You belong with me” under his breath. Spotter pretends not to notice.
Tattoo Denial — Says the tiny “13” on his wrist is for reps. Sure, bro.
The Gym Crush Tell – Ask him his type, and he shrugs. But then You Belong With Me comes on, and suddenly he’s describing Taylor’s bangs from 2009 in alarming detail.
The Swiftie Spotter – He insists on spotting your bench press, but halfway through he shouts, “You’re stronger than the 3am version!”
The Playlists Don’t Lie — Every “HIIT Mix” mysteriously features Style between Drake and Metallica.
The Mirror Talk – Catches his reflection mid-flex and mutters, “Hi, I’m the problem, it’s me” — then pretends it was motivational self-talk.
Rest Day – He’s quietly scrolling IG, plotting his next era.
Passive Emoji Comments — He hits “like” on the ex’s new lay’s post with a 🐍 - Subtle, deniable.
Mural Magnetism — Out of all the walls in Los Angeles, he vaults the one with Taylor Swift’s face. Coincidence? Please.

Mike Perfetuo is an actor and Pilates instructor in Hollywood. He has a twin brother, Matt. And no, he is not NoHo Hank.